What is a beneficiary?
Recently, I got a notification that two of my accounts needed beneficiaries named.
Even though it was an easy to-do, just a few clicks, it didn't feel compelling in the moment.
It felt like an ask, and I had other things on my mind.
I was surprised when I realized I was treating naming beneficiaries as an administrative task.
And that I always have.
I remember sending a text, over 10 years ago, to my young-adult kids and partner (now wife) asking for their Social Security numbers.
Only one of them even asked me why I wanted it.
How is that for administrative efficiency?
And I did just put their names on some lines.
Why do we view beneficiaries as just an obligation for an account ...
or just "a name on a line" ...
or just an "administrative to-do item"?
YES, in their simplest form, beneficiaries are a straightforward and necessary function.
They ensure that our accounts and our "stuff" seamlessly transfer at death.
Naming beneficiaries eliminates a "someday" hassle for our family and the financial institution.
And that is a good thing.
What if we expanded how we think about beneficiaries?
AND later, it hit me: What was I really ignoring?
This decision is about more than just the hassle it creates for others if I pass without naming a beneficiary.
I am ignoring the relationships and conversations I could be having with those "names on a line" right now.
When I reflected on my beneficiaries, here's what came to mind: They are the most loved people in my life-my wife, my children, my grandchildren.
They are the people most impacted by my planning and decision-making.
They are the people I am planning for ...
and for their futures.
They literally represent my wishes for the future.
They are people who have their own families and their own wishes.
They are-individually and collectively-the people I need to be talking to about the future.
This is what I step over when I just put names on a line, close the computer, and move on with life.
Let's change how we handle beneficiaries I read a leadership book once framed around the question, "What do leaders owe?" I think the question applies here.
As a "leader" in my family, what do I owe?
Here are a few thoughts.
Get the functional stuff done-it is also relational In the event of my death, I owe clarity and functional efficiency.
Our Center defines empathy as "stepping into someone else's life, not over it." Imagine if, after your passing, your beneficiaries have been left to sort out your affairs without knowing anything.
Are they a beneficiary?
And how do they access them?
Here are some functional checklist questions to help you ensure that doesn't happen: Have you named beneficiaries everywhere you need to?
Have you provided the necessary information for your beneficiaries to be contacted?
Have you made this information accessible to everyone who needs it?
Have you had awareness conversations with your beneficiaries?
Surface and explore your mental models about the word "beneficiary" You owe your family alignment, a fuller view of what a beneficiary is, and a sense of what it means to you.
It may seem like an odd action step, but all of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are shaped by our mental models-the way we "see" the world.
For example, if your mental model is that naming a beneficiary is mostly a hassle (maybe you don't have their Social Security number) or just a "name on a line" (a purely functional activity), or a "someday" event (that you keep secret), you will probably see no reason to disclose or discuss your decisions with them.
Here are some questions that might help you expand your mental models: What does the word "beneficiary" mean to you?
What obligation does the word imply to you and to those who are named?
What feelings does this word bring up for you?
What do you want your family's experience to look like at your passing?
Would you want a conversation if you were named as a beneficiary?
Make a list of all your beneficiaries and write a story about the conversation you want to have You owe your beneficiaries an intimate conversation, because they are in an intimate relationship with you.
It may sound simple to make a list of your beneficiaries and who is attached to what, but sometimes it's not easy.
I've been trying.) We just keep naming them, often as one-off decisions.
There is value in writing them down and looking at the whole picture.
Then, write a story about the conversation you want to have with each person.
You might feel like you can skip this step because you already know what they mean to you.
But write the story anyway.
For example, here is the story I wrote about my wife, Allison.
Allison is someone I love.
I want her to feel cared for, now and when I am gone.
We are a blended family, which can be complicated.
I want to do everything I can to ensure the wonderful relationships she and my four children have built over the years are not undermined by financial decisions or surprise disclosures.
Her wishes are always important to me, now and into the future.
I want everything to be transparent with her and all other beneficiaries.
How do you think about your beneficiaries?
Hopefully, my reflective journey on the role of beneficiaries has been useful to you.
I know I have more stories to write about the conversations I want to have.
let's all keep reflecting.