Are you wealthy? Should you talk about it?
Why is it so hard for people to acknowledge and talk about their wealth?
In our Center's research, we ask people the question, "Are you wealthy?" We seldom get an easy, positive response.
Most people just say, "No, I'm not." They don't think the word applies to them because of how they define it.
Some might give a comparative answer like, "Well, not compared to ...." Or "No, that's Gates, Bezos, and Buffett, NOT ME." And those who mildly acknowledge that they may be wealthy feel compelled to qualify it with, "But we live a modest life." I get it.
The word "wealth" has a lot of cultural baggage.
There are descriptions like "privileged," "the 1%," and "entitled." And there is the implication that we haven't earned our success or that our kids will be spoiled, which may keep us from being comfortable with the designation.
But here is another consideration.
Families need to talk about their wealth-and the characterizations society has about being wealthy-in order to make sense of their lives and experiences.
Here is why it matters My interest in people's views on wealth isn't to gather socio-economic sentiments.
For me, being wealthy is not about the number of zeros we have on our balance sheet or whether we fulfill an economic definition.
I define wealth by the range of choices and decisions we have.
The more choices and decisions available to us, the wealthier we are.
It is a straightforward reflective definition.
This definition matters because through time, our wealth choices and decisions define our family experience-how we live, where we live, what we do, who we socialize with, where our kids go to school, how we save and invest, and how we plan and live out our later-in-life years.
And that is why we need to talk about it.
Talking about being wealthy is an important part of helping our family make sense of the lives we are living in a comfortable and integrated way.
Those conversations especially help our children understand, and be part of, the choices and decisions we are making.
My children grew up wealthy.
They were privileged.
And I want them to know it.
"Privileged" is a word I want to reclaim, because it acknowledges that it is a privilege to have a wide range of choices and decisions.
This acknowledgment doesn't mean I wasn't hardworking or that my children didn't have to work growing up.
It simply means that we could buy branded clothes.
We had multiple cars.
We went on vacations, sometimes out of the country.
They went to a private school.
We could pay for their college.
We were saving money for the future.
This all sounds wealthy to me, certainly compared to the range of choices and decisions I had growing up with my four siblings and a truck-driver father.
This should be the family conversation So, can your family talk about your wealth choices and decisions?
To help with this conversation, our Center developed a Wealth Conversation Tool.
It has five categories of "being wealthy" to help frame the family conversations through time.
Lifestyle Wealthy: When I say my kids grew up wealthy, I mean they were lifestyle wealthy.
Being able to talk about our range of day-to-day choices and decisions is healthy and helps our children make sense of their lives.
And, yes, it can be healthy to compare to others.
We have more choices and decisions than some (we feel blessed), but not as many as others (you don't get your own car, and it is okay that your friends do).
When my kids were growing up, my consulting practice took me around the world.
And that meant they traveled and lived abroad at times.
We talked a LOT about the privilege of these opportunities (but not in a guilt-manipulating way).
And we still talk about the impact of those privileges today.
Later-in-Life Wealthy: To be later-in-life wealthy means you have a range of choices and decisions about if and how you will continue to work as you get older.
I am in this stage of life right now.
I have been told that financially, I could retire and maintain my lifestyle.
That is a "wealthy" option.
Not everyone can do that.
But I choose to keep working.
Not everyone has that choice either.
How does your family talk about your later-in-life options?
Can you talk about your work-life choices during this time as a wealth conversation?
My family is very aware of, and we are actively talking about, the fact that we are later-in-life wealthy.
Generationally Wealthy: Being generationally wealthy is not always talked about as a positive thing.
It is often viewed as belonging to a mega-wealthy class, with connotations of "trust fund kids." But that is not my view of what it means to be generationally wealthy, or what the family conversation might be.
For me, it simply means we can share our wealth with future generations and expand their range of choices and decisions.
That might mean helping with a first house, providing for grandchildren's education, offering support in times of need, doing yearly gifting, enjoying family vacations together, or talking about some level of wealth that might be passed on in the future.
We have talked about being generationally wealthy in our family.
Legacy Wealthy: Legacy wealth is when you and your family decide to leave a legacy that extends beyond caring for your family.
Wealth choices and decisions around philanthropy and social impact endeavors are expressions of our individual and family passions and commitments.
My four children and I all went to the same college.
Over the years, we have talked about what legacy we might want to leave there.
When the college asks me to give, they now know that I only give if "The Habbershon Family" wants to give.
I look forward to expanding our family's legacy conversation with my kids and grandkids.
(The grandkids already have causes they bring to us.) Institutionally Wealthy: This category of wealth isn't one that many of us fall into.
Institutionally wealthy means you have enough wealth to manage it like a business.
Most institutionally wealthy families are part of a family office or have full-time people who manage their money.
I often work with institutionally wealthy families, and I'll let you in on a little secret.
Their conversations aren't much different than yours and mine.
They just have a larger range of wealth choices and decisions.
This is now somewhat of a trick question.
I really believe there is goodness for all of us if we take some time to rethink our comfort around "being wealthy." If we have the privilege of a wide range of wealth choices and decisions, the answer needs to be "Yes, we are wealthy." And then we can have a reflective conversation with our families about what that means to be wealthy.
are you going to talk about it?