What keeps your family from talking about planning?
Margaret and her daughters have always been close.
Raising three girls in the city as a single mother wasn't easy, but Margaret was able to make sure she and her daughters stayed connected as they grew up.
Now with families of their own, Margaret still sees her daughters several times a week, and they continue to share holidays as a family.
If you ask Margaret, she would say, "We talk about everything." The daughters mostly agree but would add that it depends on whether the topic is about their interest or their mom's.
From Margaret's perspective, "everything" includes her estate plan.
When she drew it up years ago, she told her daughters what she thought they needed to know.
And when her advisor asked if she had involved her children in conversations about her planning, she said she had talked to them already.
Her daughters, however, see this as one of those "Mom topics." They only have a vague sense of her finances and future intentions, and they wish for more transparency so they know how to prepare for the future.
Research from The Transition Ready Family study reveals that there are various resistors that keep parents like Margaret from talking to their adult children more openly about planning.
The top reason is "We've already talked about it, and no further discussion is needed." For those with this view, 70% have NOT communicated completed estate plans to their children, 79% haven't for future health and care, and 71% haven't for retirement lifestyle.
Resistors to talking lock us into patterns of communication that may not serve the family well.
Start a conversation The conversation: How can we talk about more things more often?
How to start: Rather than allowing our fears to keep us from changing, we can explore those fears and the wishes behind them-our intimate vision of the future.
How to surface the wishes behind a fear: Make sharing wishes with each other the starting point for all life transition conversations.
Margaret and her daughters talk a lot about their everyday lives.
AND they do not talk as openly about the future as they could.
Both realities are true.
Acknowledging these "two truths" will allow the family to expand what they can talk about and keep them from building resentments around the topics they are not talking about.
Be willing to intentionally reflect on the resistors and fears that keep you from engaging as a family around planning.
Get started Talk about your resistors-what keeps you from having more open dialogue-to involve family members in your thinking and planning for the future.
Senior generation Share your hesitation to talk about your health and estate planning.
And be willing to consider other views as you engage your children.
Next generation Have an empathetic and curious mindset to step into your parents' perspective when they share their hesitations about talking.