The burden of unprepared caregiving
Estella, a 36-year-old marketing executive, is hunched over her laptop as she frantically searches for "early signs of Alzheimer's." Last week, her mom forgot her birthday and also didn't remember how to get to a friend's house.
If that were all she'd been noticing, she maybe wouldn't be so frantic.
Sam, a 46-year-old secondary school teacher, is also searching for information, except for long-term care options after his father had a stroke.
They need some type of mid-to-longer-term care facility, and his mother is too exhausted to do anything.
She says she doesn't know what they can afford.
As Estella and Sam scroll through countless articles, forums, and advice columns, they feel overwhelmed and more lost than ever.
"How do I know what's right?" Estella mutters, closing yet another tab.
The search for answers is a common reactive approach when the unexpected happens.
From memory loss to a major health incident or even the death of a parent, our research indicates that families don't think about these issues until a triggering event occurs.
Proactive conversations can protect the next generation from searching for answers after a crisis.
In the Later-in-Life Conversations Study , we analyzed over 100,000 social media posts.
Of the posts that touched on later-in-life topics, 83% were made by adult children searching for advice after a debilitating health event with one of their parents.
And 66% of the financial inquiries were related to financial decisions about events that had already occurred, and it was too late to do any planning.
While the internet offers a wealth of information, it can't help us understand the wishes and thinking of our loved ones during a crisis moment.
We can't search "How does mom want me to engage around her mental health?" or "What care facility fits Mom and Dad's financial situation?" Discussing unexpected health scenarios can help set up more proactive planning with family members.
In the qualitative portion of the research study, we also uncovered resistors to talking about these topics-underlying mental models and family dynamics.
One baby boomer's view represented the larger group when she said, "I don't talk to my children about these topics because I don't want to burden them." While understanding that parents really don't want to be a burden, they need to reframe their mindset from "I don't want to be a burden to my children" to "I will be a burden if I don't talk and plan with my children." Estella and Sam would certainly affirm this new mindset.
It was not a good experience being left to figure it out on their own after the fact.
Do scenario planning so family members can make sense of how they would handle an unexpected health incident.
Get started Ask family members what would help them feel prepared for a future incident.
It sounds like, "What would you want to know about my wishes if something were to happen to me?" Senior generation Empathy is stepping into the lives of your children "today" to help them plan for a "someday" unexpected health incident.
Next generation Embrace the uncomfortable and ask your parents how you should navigate a future incident in their lives.