How to use the 14 later-in-life topics to start a conversation
While on vacation with friends, Maggie, a 76-year-old widow, sent a group text to her three children.
She let them know she had a sinus infection and needed help accessing antibiotics abroad.
Her son Dalton, the oldest, was surprised.
"Mom never includes me in her health stuff," he said.
"She only talks to my sisters." What had changed?
Why did Maggie suddenly decide to share information with Dalton?
A few weeks earlier, mother and son had sat down together and worked through a new activity from the Fidelity Center for Family Engagement focused on later-in-life conversations.
The task involves a baby boomer parent and their adult child looking at a list of 14 later-in-life topics and sharing which three topics feel most relevant to them.
Ask curious, open-ended questions to explore what someone means by "most relevant." Maggie went first.
She said, "The thing that's on my mind all the time is my health.
Living alone, I always worry what will happen if I have a fall.
Or if something worse happens.
I mean, it could be days before anyone discovers I'm not okay." Realizing he'd never paused to consider this aspect of his mother's experience, Dalton asked questions about her worries.
Then they talked through scenarios and options for keeping in touch.
They had never had a conversation like that before.
Fears can keep us from communicating-avoid assuming why someone isn't talking about a topic.
"The activity really unlocked us," said Dalton.
"By having the list to focus on, we were able to just talk.
I was surprised by how easy it was.
Now, Mom is okay sharing health stuff with me.
And I'm more aware of the importance of asking about it." Here are some practices we can draw out of Maggie and Dalton's experience.
Maggie's group text is a great example of a small moment of health transparency and vulnerability.
And it's a step that opened the door to other later-in-life conversations.
Use the later-in-life topics guide to talk about what matters most to everyone in your family.
Exploring the 14 later-in-life topics to decide what feels most relevant is a way to surface the conversations that matter.
Get started Ask open-ended questions and then ask linking questions to explore later-in-life topics.
It sounds like, "What topics worry you the most?" ...
"How does that impact your thinking about ...?" Senior generation Be willing to identify and talk about the topics that are most often on your mind as you age.
Next generation Share the later-in-life topics that matter most to you as well as your feelings behind those topics.