How much information are you sharing with your family?
"Dad, we'd like to know about your plans for care and end of life," Liz said to her father, Len, a month after his 70th birthday.
The party had been a success, with Len's wife, Heather, in charge of the festivities and their two teenage sons waiting tables.
Liz and her brother David-children from Len's first marriage-enjoyed every moment.
But afterward, they realized how much had changed since they last talked to their father about his health and estate plans.
When Len was getting divorced, he had talked through his later-in-life plans with Liz and David: beneficiaries, health proxies, insurance policies, all of it.
Since then, he had remarried and built an entirely new life.
The siblings now felt totally out of the loop.
Did they still have roles in his future care?
And what financial decisions had he made?
He hadn't really updated them and had hinted that he wasn't feeling great about the lack of transparency.
Insights from The Transition Ready Family study indicate that Len and his family are not alone.
Parents who continually update their children or share all planning details with them feel better about their planning for the future.
And they are more than twice as likely to have high peace of mind around planning compared with parents who don't share as much.
And yet, the study revealed that only 27% of parents share all planning details with their children, and 37% haven't kept their children updated.
Sharing information is particularly important in a blended family because of how the family has changed.
Start a conversation The conversation: What details will help you make sense of our future as a family?
How to start: Help everyone express what they are feeling and thinking about planning using the skill of Process Out Loud to invite everyone to share what matters to them.
Use the Process Out Loud skill: Sharing planning details helps parents and children feel and think more positively about the future.
Len wanted his whole blended family to be connected to his planning.
Even though it can be daunting, having conversations where people share what they are feeling and thinking about the future can unlock more open dialogue about how things might play out.
Offering transparency to family members can start a more meaningful dialogue about everyone's roles and how they will play out.
Get started Explore what information people would like to have and then talk about everyone's comfort in sharing that kind of detail.
Senior generation Asking your children what they would like to know communicates that you want to take their thinking into account in your planning.
Next generation Help your parents understand that knowing what they are thinking and planning is important to you.
Clarify you're not just being curious or nosy.