How does your family feel about your financial planning?
Douglas and his son, Derek, rarely talked about money or Doug's planning, but Doug sensed they had pretty different views on wealth.
Doug felt unlocked when a friend asked him, "On a scale of one to 10, how much peace of mind do you have about your planning?" When Doug answered, he explained the state of things with Derek.
So, his friend asked, "How much peace of mind do you think Derek has?" Doug said his peace of mind was a "two." Explaining the low score, he said that he believed Derek intended to give away most of his inheritance.
After some coaching from his friend, Doug agreed that he should share with Derek about his own peace of mind.
When they did, Derek confirmed that he also had low peace of mind, because they had such different views on money and wealth.
Doug and Derek didn't get much further, but it was a start, and they agreed it was a good idea to talk more.
The lack of peace of mind that Douglas has around his planning is consistent with research from The Transition Ready Family .
The study explored peace of mind and found that the senior generation tends to lack positive sentiments, with only 37% having high overall peace of mind around their planning.
What's more, the lack of conversation is common in many families, with only 21% of the senior generation communicating their estate plans to their children.
Start small and don't think that you have to talk about everything in one conversation.
Start a conversation The conversation: How am I feeling and thinking about my planning right now?
How to start: Asking each other about how much peace of mind you have unpacks what people are feeling and thinking.
But you need to be intentional about setting up guidelines to make it a conversation where everyone feels safe and heard.
How to explore with curiosity: Hint: Reflecting on how you are feeling and thinking can help you identify things you want to change.
Douglas and Derek were navigating topics that were hard for both of them.
But it's normal for parents and their children to have different perspectives and values.
The challenge is to talk about it and not let the differences create distance in your relationship.
Look for simple ways to start new conversations and don't default to an "I've got to solve it right now" approach.
Get started Set up the conversation by making it clear this is the first of many and you are not trying to make any decisions.
Senior generation Talking about different values and views with adult children can be hard.
Focus on exploring and understanding each other's perspectives-without debate.
Next generation Share your feelings and thinking in a way that your parents can hear.
You don't need to tell them what they should be thinking or convince them of your view.