How can you have more open dialogue about planning?
Rhonda had been running her family's construction business for decades.
Now she was ready to retire and wanted to talk with her three adult children about the future of the business-and her overall estate plan.
Her son, Jonah, wanted to take over the company, whereas daughters Jenny and Janey had always been at a distance.
With much of her net worth tied up in the business, Rhonda was feeling overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle this transition in a way that felt fair to all three of them.
Attempts at family meetings were mixed.
The kids tended to debate each other about either liquidating the business or giving it to Jonah and splitting the rest of the estate between the girls.
Rhonda mostly just listened, sometimes feeling exasperated because she didn't know how to get movement around the topic.
At one point, Jenny said, "Mom, it's your business, just do what you want." But that's not what Rhonda wanted, and she worried about her kids' relationships in the future.
Rhonda's sense that open dialogue about her estate planning would bring her and the family peace of mind and confidence is supported by The Transition Ready Family study.
When families hear each other's opinions, make decisions together, and align on goals, parents are nearly three times more likely to have high peace of mind about their planning compared with those who have never had an open dialogue.
Being able to hear each other's opinions without debate creates peership in our relationships.
Start a conversation The conversation: How can we practice peership to create space for open dialogue around planning?
How to start: Peership is having mutuality and respect for each other's views.
It starts with a curious and empathetic openness that steps out of parent-child hierarchy behaviors.
Show curiosity and empathy to each other: It takes discipline to listen with curiosity and show empathy by asking each other questions.
Rhonda and her family can be intentional about using the skills of open dialogue.
Like any sport or area of accomplishment, you need to know the skills and practice them to get better.
Once you do, you will be able to talk more openly about wishes, roles, and possibilities.
This type of co-creation can help everyone have more peace of mind and confidence about the future.
Empathy is stepping into someone's life by asking curious questions that help you understand their feelings and thinking on a topic.
Get started Set yourselves up for a one-sided conversation.
Take turns only asking questions to explore the emotional-relational parts of people's experience of planning.
Senior generation Think of yourself as a process facilitator who helps family members share their feelings and thinking.
You'll learn more about your family's views and achieve better outcomes.
Next generation Try to stay curious and avoid defending a certain view with energy-it can come across as self-interest and lead others to harden their views.