Hesitant to talk as a family about your planning?
When Lenore suggested that she and her husband, Hugo, talk to their kids about their recent estate planning work, his reply surprised her.
"I know we should talk to them, but I don't want to open a can of worms." "But we talk to them all the time," she said.
"Why does this feel different?" "I don't know.
Maybe I'm afraid they will expect us to make different decisions," he replied.
Hugo isn't alone in feeling hesitant to talk as a family.
The Later-in-Life Conversations Study found that 87% of the senior generation identify emotional resistors to talking about planning.
A top resistor was "I don't know how to bring it up." This is where Hugo could use some help thinking about how to start talking with his family.
Without that, these resistors can create a fear of talking and co-creating together, especially when parents aren't sure if they want to talk about anything in the first place.
Leaning into our fears is how we grow and change in every area of life.
Here are some common fear-based resistors that can keep the senior generation from talking with their family about planning.
Sharing your hesitations can help you start talking and set boundaries around the conversation.
To start a conversation, Hugo could use the skill of Process Out Loud to share his hesitations.
For example, he could say, "We want to talk about some of our planning work, but I feel a bit concerned that you will think we are going to take a vote on the decision.
Can we just focus on hearing your individual thoughts about our current plans, rather than debating potential outcomes?" It's normal to have hesitancies about talking as a family, but it's important that we don't shut down all planning conversations.
Get started Identify your hesitations on a specific planning topic, then reflect on the fears behind those hesitations so you can express them to others.
Senior generation Start the conversation by sharing your fears on a topic, then invite others to honor your boundaries and not push too hard against those fears.
Next generation When a parent expresses a fear or hesitation, don't discount or debate it.
Just ask what might make the conversation easier for them.