Have you talked about roles in future transitions?
Now in their 70s, Rose and Elias Bertelli talk more often about the role their five children will play in their future care and finances.
After several individual conversations, they decided to invite everyone to the house to talk together.
They wanted to share details about their estate, including a wish to leave some money to each of their children.
They also wanted to talk through how the family would approach future care.
The "talk" went well.
Around inheritance, two of the sons said they were "good" and that Rose and Elias should split things between the other three siblings.
And the group agreed to have two siblings added to the parents' accounts.
They also talked through various roles: handling medications and doctor visits, setting up assisted living, managing finances, and documenting health directives.
And the siblings agreed to have regular check-ins for updates and coordination.
A few years later, when Rose had a stroke, the oldest daughter said, "It was so important that we aligned around roles in advance.
It made the whole experience around Mom's care so much smoother." Research indicates that the Bertelli family experience isn't always the norm.
The Transition Ready Family study shows that when parents talk to children about future roles, it creates peace of mind and confidence.
The trouble is that families aren't necessarily talking about it.
Nearly one-quarter of the senior generation aren't sure if their children will play a significant role in their plans.
And, for those parents who do know what role their children will play, nearly one-third have not talked to them about it.
Talking through family members' roles around health, care, and estate planning can avoid future family stress.
Start a conversation The conversation: What role will each of us play in future life transitions?
How to start: Seeking input on roles can bring your family together.
A guiding principle is "voice does not mean vote." Talking is different from making decisions.
Questions to ask your family about roles: Giving people voice in planning creates confidence your family will have smoother transitions in the future.
Rose and Elias made a bold move to involve their children.
Talking about roles in advance of significant life transitions gave them a very different perspective on how to navigate their more dependent years.
It also created more closeness among the siblings, because they stepped out of their own views and talked about what was best for the overall family.
Talking about roles can become a "charged" topic if family members are locked into their views about who does what in the family.
Get started Start by aligning around a shared vision of the future.
Use a "What if?" frame to have everyone talk about their wishes for different life transitions.
Senior generation Invite everyone to express their wishes and fears about future transitions without debating or discounting what anyone says.
Next generation Help your family align around roles by being open to options rather than asserting a predetermined view that turns into a debate (or a fight).