Couples can align around what informs their financial planning
George and Samantha loved babysitting their grandson, Noah.
And now that their daughter Lily was pregnant with her second child, they were excited to spend even more time together.
Samantha and Lily would often have long talks about their growing family and their future wishes.
They talked much more than Lily and her dad did, and that seemed natural and okay to everyone.
Share the insights and information you get from your individual interactions with your children.
One day, while George and Samantha were getting ready for bed, she said, "The current house is fine for Lily and Doug, but when the baby comes, it's going to be a tight squeeze." She explained that the young couple had already begun looking at real estate but were shocked by prices in their area.
She said they had talked about how it would be sad if they moved farther away to get more space.
"I think we should give them the money to buy a bigger house," said Samantha.
George was a little taken aback.
He didn't know if he was more frustrated or disappointed that Lily had confided in her mom and not him about her financial priorities.
Helping the kids buy a house was not something they had ever talked about or factored into their financial planning.
Express how you are feeling about the relationship, not just your financial concerns.
The disconnect between George's "plans" and the family's conversations isn't uncommon.
The Later-in-Life Conversations Study found that women are talking to their children about financial transparency and planning topics more than men.
When families view legal and financial planning as merely a functional activity (i.e., "not in the plan"), it can cause them to step over emotional and relational considerations in the family.
Ensure your planning reflects your life circumstances and the ongoing changes in your family's needs.
So, what happens now?
George and Samantha can use this moment to talk about their planning process.
First, they can align their own thinking around their vision and some guiding principles.
Here are some examples: Ensure your planning assumptions are surfaced and tested as an ongoing and iterative part of your planning process.
Get started Ask about the "today" wishes behind your planning decisions to get beyond the "someday" financial models.
It sounds like, "How can we make sure our planning considers everyone's current needs and wishes?" Senior generation Have informal conversations with your children about their current needs and future wishes.
Next generation Look for ways to explore with your parents your "today" needs or wishes versus just "someday" planning.