Are you aligned as a couple on what it means to be ready?
Mike has always run the family real estate business and handled his family's financial planning.
When their children were younger, his wife, Nia, worked in the business part time.
And she has always managed their day-to-day lives.
Now that the couple is older and family demands have eased, Nia wants to be more involved in conversations around the future of their business and estate planning.
But Mike is focused on succession with their son and doesn't feel as urgent about other planning right now.
Not being able to get Mike's attention on these topics has left Nia and their two daughters unhappy.
The imbalance of information and lack of connection to his thinking doesn't feel fair.
"I really am glad you feel you have a confidant and successor in the business whom we both love and trust," Nia said one night over dinner.
"But I worry about how things will play out if something happens to you.
I don't know enough, our son will suddenly feel he is in charge, and our daughters will feel left out of decisions that impact them." Prior to that conversation, Mike knew Nia had concerns.
He thought focusing on his son and succession would keep it simple for her.
Now he knew he wasn't looking at the whole picture.
Research from The Transition Ready Family study shows that those who are very confident in their spouse's ability to manage planning tasks are more than twice as likely to have high peace of mind and lower anxiety around planning.
And 44% of those who are completely confident in their partner have no anxiety at all.
Yet, about half of the senior generation lack confidence in their spouse's ability to manage retirement, health, and estate planning.
Aligning with your spouse/partner on what readiness looks like is important for the whole family system.
Start a conversation The conversation: What does feeling ready and confident mean to each family member?
How to start: Commit to stepping into-rather than over-your spouse/partner's views on planning.
Instead, find out what they and other family members feel they need if you are gone.
Hints for helping people feel ready to take over: Understanding what readiness looks like to someone else requires curious empathy-step into their perspective.
The most important part of estate planning is to hear everyone's views.
This is what Mike found out.
Helping his wife and daughters feel part of the process is more important than making decisions and preparing documents.
The good news is that doing so will increase your family readiness and lower your anxiety about how the future will play out.
A couple's confidence in each other's ability to take over comes from talking through what it would look like if one of them is gone.
Get started Have a one-sided conversation about wishes for readiness-take turns just asking questions and hold off on sharing your views.
Senior generation Inviting your children to have voice in your transition planning can help you align as a couple.
Focus on exploring their views with curiosity.
Next generation Make it more comfortable for your parents by asking them for their wishes about the future.
Then talk about your wishes for how you can participate.